It’s frustrating

I am having to give myself active permission and encouragement to look at men in ‘that’ way. It’s hard to explain, I look at a picture for example of a well defined topless guy and my initial reaction will probably be a flash of attraction. All good so far!

The problem is that I then hit a brick wall in my mind. It’s as if years of denial have created a sort of  defense system in my head to stop me ‘going there’. I have to consciously push through it and tell myself that I am allowed to feel attracted, aroused even.

When looking at a naked woman I have none of the same blocks in place and can enjoy them freely and effortlessly.

It’s something that I am pretty sure will pass eventually but it’s a pain in the rear until then!

Any newly discovered bisexual pure pansexual people out there having the same thing happen?

8 thoughts on “It’s frustrating

  1. I thought I was a lesbian in 4th grade. Didn’t realize I liked men as well until I was in 6th. I understand the repression.


  2. definitely not new pansexual (discovered said term 11 years ago and have claimed it ever since), but as me and the fiancĂ© marriage approaches and the voices of hurtful members of the “Christian” faith echo in my mind – it hurts sometimes. It isn’t easy… but somehow, I’ll get through. Being a Christian myself, my faith restores me even though my family unintentionally injures me.


  3. 32 and still struggling to accept that I can allow myself to fancy more than just men. My family, growing up, were very homophobic; they’ve improved in recent years but it left me very concious of my sexuality. Luckily my two closest friends are queer as hell and they’re very supportive with me finding my feet in the last couple of years.

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  4. I’ve been bisexual for 51 of my 59 years and there was a moment in my life when I’d run into that “don’t go there” block when having sex with men but not seeing it with women. I really dug into it – where did it come from, why does it only show up with men, etc., and I figured it out… then learned how to banish it. Like most people, I was conditioned to be “homophobic” with all the talk about boy and girls, what to do, what not to do (like don’t do boys) and all that stuff – and it stuck even though I found that having sex with boys was just as much fun as doing it with girls and since it did stick, I’d be reminded that I shouldn’t be doing what I was doing.

    I think it’s kinda normal; I’ve talked to others who’ve said they’ve experienced similar “stop signs.”


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