There is nothing

There is nothing, and I wish there was nothing
There is no love, no hate
No happy, no sad
No enthusiasm for the outside world

All there is
Is the eternal internal loathing
The warm safe cuddle of self hatred
The permanent friend who has never left
Who is closer than anyone ever could be
Who hates me
Who loves me and holds me in the dark
Whispering diabolical half-truths in a lovers voice

There is nothing, and I wish there was nothing
I am a coward, a worthless waste of breath and water
I drain the joy from the ones I love the most
And who love me the most
I fill their lives with “coping” when it should be full of laughing
I give them feasts of “it’s ok” when there should be plates of smiles
I hurt them

Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing

There is no hate but self hate
There is no anger but fury at what I am
There is no love but love of the dark
There is no sensation but that of falling towards…

Nothing

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