About Me

Who am I?

I am a cis man in my early 40’s who recently came out to himself, his long term girlfriend and his best friend about being pansexual.

I wanted to write a diary to explore my feelings and exploit my new found freedom to express those feelings and my observations as I settle into my new wonderful headspace, and this was the natural result. I have written blogs before on poetry and photography but this is the most personal yet.

I thought it might be useful to put a bit of a Q and A up here to explain bits and bobs to anyone who is interested. I am sure I will cover these in more detail in blog posts as I learn more about my own identity and sexuality and those of the wonderful world full of individuals we inhabit together.

Q What is a cis man?

A The Oxford English Dictionary has recently added “cisgender” to their content. Their description of the meaning is

“Denoting or relating to a person whose self-identity conforms with the gender that corresponds to their biological sex; not transgender”

Which I think does a pretty good job of explaining the term, although after discussing with a friend who has much more experience and knowledge on this subject, a better way of putting it might be

“cisgender means you identify as the gender you were assigned at birth”

Gender is a word and a concept that many (most?) of us have taken for granted since we were taught to read and speak but I am learning that it is an incredibly complex subject and almost infuriatingly avoids any attempt to tie it down to a solid definition. I am by no means an expert but it’s one of the areas that I am devoting a lot of thinking time to and my understanding will hopefully evolve over time and as I share on here.

Q What does “pansexual” mean? Is it like bisexual?

A Kind of 🙂 Going back to the OED again, the definition is

“not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity”

In the real world what this means is that I can find anyone attractive, which is nice 🙂 By attractive I mean sexually attractive as in “I could spend a night with that person” kind of attractive. The big difference between pansexual and bisexual is that the latter utilises the Latin for “two” and life is more complex than that. For example, I have experience of finding Men, (cis and trans), Women (cis and trans) and Genderqueer people attractive.


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